A Memory of a Show
I remember in HS, our concept for a Teachers' Day presentation was to
show how the teaching environment changes. So we decided to show how it
was in the past when teachers are stricter and employed corporal
punishment, how it was in our time when students enjoy considerably more
freedom and how we envisioned the future where we saw the return of
corporal punishment and everybody was a Stepford wife. In our future
classroom, incorrect answers were punished by painful electrocution.
It
did not sit well with the reviewing nun that we decided to end the play
depicting the teacher giving an incorrect answer to her own question
and the entire class pushing buttons providing the killing voltage. The
fictitious future fact that the former president FVR was killed by his
wife also got criticized, that year being the International Year of the
Family and all.
In the end, we had to rework the script where we had a Utopian classroom where every one was all smiles and respectful.
I guess we settled for sarcasm.
A Memory of Pride
I remember in HS, on Flor Contemplacion's execution day, a classmate
was listening on radio and heard that Flor's family was already planning
her internment.
I asked,"Natuloy ba ang execution?"
She replied,"Oo. Pinag-uusapan na nga ang internment e. Di mo ba alam kung ano yun?"
To which I reply as always do when asked about things I do not know, "Hindi."
Funny how meager knowledge makes one proud and condescending.
I am not so innocent of this failing myself.
A Memory of Christmas
I remember in HS, as part of a requirement in Music class, we were
grouped into two choirs to sing for Christmas. It turned out that during
the set weekend meeting very few people showed up for either group that
those who did decided to form a single choir and ditch the rest who did
not. The Leader announced it pompously the following Monday.
Reorganized, we practiced our songs. During the presentation, the other
sections decided to sing as a class 'in the spirit of Christmas.' Our
section decided to sing as separate choirs.
Wednesday, November 16
Stop SOPA!
Watch this video and learn more about the proposed Protect IP Act in the US and how this could affect all of us.
Read more at more American Cencorship Day site
Read more at more American Cencorship Day site
Monday, August 1
The Secret Quest to Become a Legend
I spend most of the weekend sleeping with the weather perfectly suited to just snuggling in bed under a blanket with lots of pillows to keep company. I would wake up after a short nap, some three hours or so then go around the house and do some stuff like eat and use the bathroom and then go back to bed. In a few short minutes, I'd be sound asleep again. I found the exercise refreshing. Sleeplessness has been plaguing me for the last couple of weeks and my body managed to find the right moment to force me down, the weather cooperating.
Saturday was all sleep with some chat with friends, a few TV time. Sunday was another story. A person can only sleep so much after all. I spent a lot of time watching TV and finally getting around to reading the whole of Ecclesiastes and The Alchemist. It has been years since I started reading both but I guess we get to do somethings when we are reading to do it.
Now, Ecclesiastes is famous for the poem which begins with "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Personally, I love it because the entire book begins with verses, "The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem: 'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.'"
As you know, I was a teacher and one of my regrets was that I was not able to quote this passage at the start of the class. It would have put everything I taught them and everything they learned in perspective.
The Alchemist on the other hand is famous for the quote, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." It's essentially a fable on positive-thinking, fictional version of the book and DVD, The Secret. This one I have not had the chance to read or watch.
In any case, I found several complementary themes between the message of Ecclesiastes and The Alchemist. Both books by and large are telling you to live your life to the fullest, achieve your dreams, if you can but enjoy the ride if you cannot.
Ecclesiastes repeats the theme of enjoying one's self. "There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil." This is rephrased throughout the book, presented again and again, telling the reader to be enjoy himself for there is nothing else in to do. In context, this enjoyment is presented as a gift of God. It asks, "Apart from [God], who can eat or who can have enjoyment?"
All men will die, the book says, whatever you do, whoever you are. We all return to the same dust that we came from. It is only fitting that you should enjoy yourself while you can. In the end, "time and chance happen to [us] all."
On the other hand, The Alchemists, counsels the reader to do what he want to do for that is his life purpose. Everything will fall into place if and when he does it. The book calls it one's Personal Legend, something one must fulfill. This presents enjoying life as living out whatever one's heart truly desires. Living one's life in pursuit of that dream is living life where "every second... is an encounter with God." Again, the summit of all these is God Himself.
Now, in Ecclesiastes, life is presented as something rather bleak, rather unfair."[T]here are righteous men to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked, and there are wicked men to whom it happens according to the deeds of the righteous." Things just happen to you regardless of what you do.
As for The Alchemist, it does not say that the realization of the dream will be easy. "[B]efore a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. That's the point at which most people give up." The journey is not all easy after all, but reward awaits the persevering.
In a way, this is a partial answer to the problem posed by Ecclesiastes. All things are tested and in the end, we may only get so much out of life, we might as well enjoy it while we can. We can try to persevere until the end but well, shit happens. Things don't go our own way and we have to let go.
Ultimately, Ecclesiastes puts an emphasis on the inevitable demise of man and his judgment by God. While it advises people to live their lives as they please, it cautions "know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment." In this way, it diverges from The Alchemist which focuses on the fulfillment of one's dreams or the attempt thereof while one still lives.
I guess, what I got from reading both books is that I must do whatever I can to fulfill my dreams but in the end, it's what comes after that matters. All my dreams should be aligned to that.
Saturday was all sleep with some chat with friends, a few TV time. Sunday was another story. A person can only sleep so much after all. I spent a lot of time watching TV and finally getting around to reading the whole of Ecclesiastes and The Alchemist. It has been years since I started reading both but I guess we get to do somethings when we are reading to do it.
Now, Ecclesiastes is famous for the poem which begins with "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Personally, I love it because the entire book begins with verses, "The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem: 'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.'"
As you know, I was a teacher and one of my regrets was that I was not able to quote this passage at the start of the class. It would have put everything I taught them and everything they learned in perspective.
The Alchemist on the other hand is famous for the quote, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." It's essentially a fable on positive-thinking, fictional version of the book and DVD, The Secret. This one I have not had the chance to read or watch.
In any case, I found several complementary themes between the message of Ecclesiastes and The Alchemist. Both books by and large are telling you to live your life to the fullest, achieve your dreams, if you can but enjoy the ride if you cannot.
Ecclesiastes repeats the theme of enjoying one's self. "There is nothing better for a man than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil." This is rephrased throughout the book, presented again and again, telling the reader to be enjoy himself for there is nothing else in to do. In context, this enjoyment is presented as a gift of God. It asks, "Apart from [God], who can eat or who can have enjoyment?"
All men will die, the book says, whatever you do, whoever you are. We all return to the same dust that we came from. It is only fitting that you should enjoy yourself while you can. In the end, "time and chance happen to [us] all."
On the other hand, The Alchemists, counsels the reader to do what he want to do for that is his life purpose. Everything will fall into place if and when he does it. The book calls it one's Personal Legend, something one must fulfill. This presents enjoying life as living out whatever one's heart truly desires. Living one's life in pursuit of that dream is living life where "every second... is an encounter with God." Again, the summit of all these is God Himself.
Now, in Ecclesiastes, life is presented as something rather bleak, rather unfair."[T]here are righteous men to whom it happens according to the deeds of the wicked, and there are wicked men to whom it happens according to the deeds of the righteous." Things just happen to you regardless of what you do.
As for The Alchemist, it does not say that the realization of the dream will be easy. "[B]efore a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. That's the point at which most people give up." The journey is not all easy after all, but reward awaits the persevering.
In a way, this is a partial answer to the problem posed by Ecclesiastes. All things are tested and in the end, we may only get so much out of life, we might as well enjoy it while we can. We can try to persevere until the end but well, shit happens. Things don't go our own way and we have to let go.
Ultimately, Ecclesiastes puts an emphasis on the inevitable demise of man and his judgment by God. While it advises people to live their lives as they please, it cautions "know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment." In this way, it diverges from The Alchemist which focuses on the fulfillment of one's dreams or the attempt thereof while one still lives.
I guess, what I got from reading both books is that I must do whatever I can to fulfill my dreams but in the end, it's what comes after that matters. All my dreams should be aligned to that.
Monday, June 27
Where Have All My Friends Gone?
Since I did not organize a birthday lunch this year, I was not able
to gather my friends from all those years, mostly from Los Baños, some
are Smart:People, a few from way back in elementary and highschool. I do
have an idealized perception of our friendships, though in reality,
some are deeper than the others. I just would like to quote, like
before, from my favorite saint Augustine, bishop of Hippo as he captures
perfectly what I feel when I spend time with my friends.
We meet "to talk and laugh together and exchange small acts of kindness; to read well-written books together. Sometimes to tell jokes and sometimes to be serious. To disagree at times, but without hard feelings, just as a man does with himself, and the rare occasions of dispute were the very spice to season our usual accord. Each of us had something to learn from the others and something to teach in return. If any were away, we missed them with regret and gladly welcomed them when they came home. Such things as these are heartfelt tokens of affection between friends. They are signs to be read on the face and in the eyes, spoken by the tongue and displayed in countless acts of kindness. They can kindle a blaze to melt our hearts and weld them into one. This is what we cherish in friendship, and we cherish it so dearly that in conscience we feel guilty if we do not return love for love, asking no more of our friends than these expressions of goodwill." (from Confessions as quoted in Saint Augustine, Lover of Truth by Policarpo F. Hernandez, OSA)
We meet "to talk and laugh together and exchange small acts of kindness; to read well-written books together. Sometimes to tell jokes and sometimes to be serious. To disagree at times, but without hard feelings, just as a man does with himself, and the rare occasions of dispute were the very spice to season our usual accord. Each of us had something to learn from the others and something to teach in return. If any were away, we missed them with regret and gladly welcomed them when they came home. Such things as these are heartfelt tokens of affection between friends. They are signs to be read on the face and in the eyes, spoken by the tongue and displayed in countless acts of kindness. They can kindle a blaze to melt our hearts and weld them into one. This is what we cherish in friendship, and we cherish it so dearly that in conscience we feel guilty if we do not return love for love, asking no more of our friends than these expressions of goodwill." (from Confessions as quoted in Saint Augustine, Lover of Truth by Policarpo F. Hernandez, OSA)
Sunday, June 26
Makes Me Wonder
It took a long time before I got to write again in this blog. Judging from the lack of comments, no one is left of my three regular readers. It can only be expected of course, having not posted any tissue-paper-worthy-scribbles here since November last year when I mustered that last of my what passes for my creativity in order to spew out my life-draining rant against my self-imposed hell.
I tried to write one or two posts in the time between that and June this year. There were stories worthy of posting, happy experiences in fact but I just did not have the heart to put everything down into writing. My inkwell was dry. Work had cracked the bottle and it all dripped away.
For a long time, I lacked the desire to get a new one and fill it up again. Something came up which moved me to write again. It's something I had not expected and I had no one else to tell so I just had to write it down. Thankfully, no one's reading.
Nonetheless, I hope to get back to writing senseless stuff. Serious stuff gives me headaches.
I tried to write one or two posts in the time between that and June this year. There were stories worthy of posting, happy experiences in fact but I just did not have the heart to put everything down into writing. My inkwell was dry. Work had cracked the bottle and it all dripped away.
For a long time, I lacked the desire to get a new one and fill it up again. Something came up which moved me to write again. It's something I had not expected and I had no one else to tell so I just had to write it down. Thankfully, no one's reading.
Nonetheless, I hope to get back to writing senseless stuff. Serious stuff gives me headaches.
Goes Whichever Way
In Braavos they have a saying, "Valar Morghulis!" It translates to the Westerosi "All men must die."
I used to not fear death but I feared dying. The way in which I would pass on into the next life or into the void, whichever you believe, is a very scary prospect for me. I do not wish to die suddenly nor do I wish to die a slow and painful death. I pray that I would die peacefully at a right age when I have done all that needed doing, not yet a shadow of a man but not before I passed my prime. This is a new thing for me. Before, I was ready to die at the age of 25.
After college, I had a five-year plan which included me teaching at the university while I study to earn my Master's degree. I only got to fulfill half of that plan. I got to teach at the university but I fell short of earning my Master's. I guess by the end of the 5th year, I should have gone on ahead and sought a different thing to do but I careless with time and had no real plans so I just deluded myself with the idea that I could still fulfill my plans, if only a little later. It never came. Three years later, I found myself without work at the university but I got in another job in some telco.
It was a bad experience. I had planned to fail. With no safety nets, I was thrust into another job, not a bad job but one that I needed more than they needed me. The change in the working environment was not that difficult to getting used to but I got bored so soon.
It appears that working in a company is purely clockwork. Once you got around knowing what needed doing, it was just that day in and day out. It was worse since I got assigned to business support which meant I just prepared reports generated using some parameter change in some existing script or program. It made me very unhappy. I was doing something a lot easier than what I used to ask my students to work on in class.
So I decided to find a different work and another one came up. Some former colleagues in the university where tapped to be part of this US-based, start-up. It was exciting, they say. We're the pioneers of the company. We're setting the pace and are building the company.
I guess, the word 'pioneers' should have tipped me off. The pioneers, well, they did all the hard work for the future generations and we did all the hard work. The first six months passed like years for me. I wanted out after only half a year.
The pay was good though. For the first time, I was able to build up my savings. I actually had money in the bank that did not get drained down to the maintaining balance before every pay day. So I decided to stay. I sold my time and soul for cash. I can never get the former back and I just pray I have enough strength to get the latter back.
Part of me died everyday I went to work but the people are good and I was not about to leave while there were tasks that needed doing. I was still a dutiful man, if barely. I did what was asked and I did it with as much as I could put in it. However, I no longer cared. I just waited for the payday. Sure I got up everyday and did what I needed to do but I no longer put in my heart or what's left of it. I had nothing more to give. I am burning out. I am a dying ember.
I wanted out but I let myself be remain until now because I do not know where to go next. I no longer know what I want to do with my life. All my dreams have faded away. I have allowed myself to die before my prime. I have become a shadow of a man. It does not matter whether I die at any moment. The world will never know, it will not care.
I made wrong turns along the way and somehow decided that I should just let life drag me along instead of trying to find my way again. I guess I died six years ago.
Looking back, I believe I died at just the right time.
I hope one day I get to live again, though.
I used to not fear death but I feared dying. The way in which I would pass on into the next life or into the void, whichever you believe, is a very scary prospect for me. I do not wish to die suddenly nor do I wish to die a slow and painful death. I pray that I would die peacefully at a right age when I have done all that needed doing, not yet a shadow of a man but not before I passed my prime. This is a new thing for me. Before, I was ready to die at the age of 25.
After college, I had a five-year plan which included me teaching at the university while I study to earn my Master's degree. I only got to fulfill half of that plan. I got to teach at the university but I fell short of earning my Master's. I guess by the end of the 5th year, I should have gone on ahead and sought a different thing to do but I careless with time and had no real plans so I just deluded myself with the idea that I could still fulfill my plans, if only a little later. It never came. Three years later, I found myself without work at the university but I got in another job in some telco.
It was a bad experience. I had planned to fail. With no safety nets, I was thrust into another job, not a bad job but one that I needed more than they needed me. The change in the working environment was not that difficult to getting used to but I got bored so soon.
It appears that working in a company is purely clockwork. Once you got around knowing what needed doing, it was just that day in and day out. It was worse since I got assigned to business support which meant I just prepared reports generated using some parameter change in some existing script or program. It made me very unhappy. I was doing something a lot easier than what I used to ask my students to work on in class.
So I decided to find a different work and another one came up. Some former colleagues in the university where tapped to be part of this US-based, start-up. It was exciting, they say. We're the pioneers of the company. We're setting the pace and are building the company.
I guess, the word 'pioneers' should have tipped me off. The pioneers, well, they did all the hard work for the future generations and we did all the hard work. The first six months passed like years for me. I wanted out after only half a year.
The pay was good though. For the first time, I was able to build up my savings. I actually had money in the bank that did not get drained down to the maintaining balance before every pay day. So I decided to stay. I sold my time and soul for cash. I can never get the former back and I just pray I have enough strength to get the latter back.
Part of me died everyday I went to work but the people are good and I was not about to leave while there were tasks that needed doing. I was still a dutiful man, if barely. I did what was asked and I did it with as much as I could put in it. However, I no longer cared. I just waited for the payday. Sure I got up everyday and did what I needed to do but I no longer put in my heart or what's left of it. I had nothing more to give. I am burning out. I am a dying ember.
I wanted out but I let myself be remain until now because I do not know where to go next. I no longer know what I want to do with my life. All my dreams have faded away. I have allowed myself to die before my prime. I have become a shadow of a man. It does not matter whether I die at any moment. The world will never know, it will not care.
I made wrong turns along the way and somehow decided that I should just let life drag me along instead of trying to find my way again. I guess I died six years ago.
Looking back, I believe I died at just the right time.
I hope one day I get to live again, though.
Monday, June 20
Puppy Sick Infatuation
I am infatuated like I'm in highschool, staring dreamily at the object of my desire. I wander off in bouts of lengthy daydreaming, remembering stories of pure fiction with me and my crush in it. It's intoxicating and most of the time, I feel heady, drunk with my own passion, swayed by my own desires.
A friend spoke truth when she said that love begins with a decision, a act of the logical mind to allow one to feel something for another person. From there, the flood gates are opened. You will have to wrestle with the raging emotions in order to regain a semblance of order, to get a foothold and take stock and remember who you were before all the disaster.
I must admit that I was smitten when I got a first look but I let it pass and months later, I got a second look, and a third, and well, shit. I kept looking. Then, one day, I decided to let myself feel, the same way I felt before. The feeling I swore I would not allow myself to feel again. I took a chance. I made an effort. I spoke first and we talked.
At first, it was small talk but later we were sharing personal things. A little superficial of course: brands of clothes, toiletries and the like. Later came the safe family stories then the embarrassing personal stories. Still later some secrets. I wonder still, why I felt I could share those things that day but I guess I kind of figured it was not a big deal. At least, not when I am sharing it with this person, the one I decided I would like.
Well, we shared stuff. Openly speaking of things I would prefer to tell my confessor.
It was through this sharing that I realized that we were traveling on the same path but are on different parts. Several miles apart with only our talking as the means of connection. It would be next to impossible for us to walk together. Perhaps in another quantum universe, we are together, happy, content. Here, though, we're happy and content in our separate ways and I am made less so with my foolish decision to feel something.
So I decide every night to move on tomorrow but I cannot. I wake up convince I have moved on but I have not. I look forward to Fridays when we could meet and hate every other day especially the weekends since we cannot talk. At least I don't have any excuse to send a message but I make things up and I guess out of courtesy I get a reply.
I know I should not assume anything of the times I got words of encouragement when I complained about work. Kindness is more common than we are led to believe. I know that even though that time, when I was the only one who needed to work late, we both stayed online and chatted until I got offline. I really felt down that time and I know that it was a sign of friendship.
What am I saying? Nothing. Just rambling really. I just needed to get this one out.
A friend spoke truth when she said that love begins with a decision, a act of the logical mind to allow one to feel something for another person. From there, the flood gates are opened. You will have to wrestle with the raging emotions in order to regain a semblance of order, to get a foothold and take stock and remember who you were before all the disaster.
I must admit that I was smitten when I got a first look but I let it pass and months later, I got a second look, and a third, and well, shit. I kept looking. Then, one day, I decided to let myself feel, the same way I felt before. The feeling I swore I would not allow myself to feel again. I took a chance. I made an effort. I spoke first and we talked.
At first, it was small talk but later we were sharing personal things. A little superficial of course: brands of clothes, toiletries and the like. Later came the safe family stories then the embarrassing personal stories. Still later some secrets. I wonder still, why I felt I could share those things that day but I guess I kind of figured it was not a big deal. At least, not when I am sharing it with this person, the one I decided I would like.
Well, we shared stuff. Openly speaking of things I would prefer to tell my confessor.
It was through this sharing that I realized that we were traveling on the same path but are on different parts. Several miles apart with only our talking as the means of connection. It would be next to impossible for us to walk together. Perhaps in another quantum universe, we are together, happy, content. Here, though, we're happy and content in our separate ways and I am made less so with my foolish decision to feel something.
So I decide every night to move on tomorrow but I cannot. I wake up convince I have moved on but I have not. I look forward to Fridays when we could meet and hate every other day especially the weekends since we cannot talk. At least I don't have any excuse to send a message but I make things up and I guess out of courtesy I get a reply.
I know I should not assume anything of the times I got words of encouragement when I complained about work. Kindness is more common than we are led to believe. I know that even though that time, when I was the only one who needed to work late, we both stayed online and chatted until I got offline. I really felt down that time and I know that it was a sign of friendship.
What am I saying? Nothing. Just rambling really. I just needed to get this one out.
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